After a conversation with my husband a few weeks back I decided that I really should clarify what it is that I do, he was under the impression that, as a sex coach, there would be some kind of nakedness involved, I’m not sure why his brain went there but I thought that I would start by clarifying that there is no nakedness involved when I work with my clients.
Just in case anyone else may have the same thoughts, you filthy animal you, I thought I would write a blog post detailing who I work with and how I help them.
What is a Sex & Relationship Coach?
The wonderful thing about coaching is that no two coaches are the same. We all have different ways of working and have different areas of expertise. Even if we focus solely on relationship coaches there are those of us who work with couples and individuals, some only work with couples, others only work with one person from the relationship at a time.
We all use different coaching tools and techniques but ultimately a coaches goal is to facilitate your growth.
Myself, as a sex and relationship coach, I work with couples and individuals to realise their own needs and learn how to communicate this to their partner.
We meet, currently via zoom, for an hour (90 minutes for couples) each fortnight for 12 weeks.
At the beginning of the programme, we will discuss your long term goal, something which you would like to be different in your relationship, this could be something like “becoming more intimate” or “learning how to communicate without arguing” or “feeling ready to date after a bad breakup”.
Is coaching the same as therapy?
No! Coaching is forward-focused. We look at your current situation and where you want to be and make a plan of how you can get there. While we may, briefly, look at your past we very much remain in the present.
If you are unsure if you need a therapist or a coach I’m more than happy to offer free half-hour consultations and make recommendations for you.
Do I need a Sex & Relationship Coach?
Are you a human being? Do you have relationships? sexual and/or non-sexual? relationships with friends, coworkers, family etc? Then yes, as a coach I can help you.
While most of my clients come to me knowing that they need help, to work on a specific relationship problem, I am seeing more and more clients who understand that in order to have happy and healthy connections they need to be happy and healthy themselves.
This involves understanding why you think, feel and react to certain behaviours/triggers. Knowing what your needs are and how to fulfil them. Being able to set boundaries and how to approach them with even the most difficult person.
Recognising behaviour and communications traits of yourself and those around you.
It’s only when we know and understand ourselves when we are living totally and utterly in alignment that we can then use this insight to better the relationships around us.
Below is a real client scenario of mine (I have permission to share).
Lucy (real name has been changed) came to me after going through a particularly hard time in her relationship. Covid had created lots of challenges and changes for them and as well as both working from home they also had to homeschool their children.
Life and work had blurred into one and Lucy found that by the evening when her partner wanted to be intimate, she was feeling fed up and annoyed at him.
After a while, this then led to arguments and her husband feeling pushed away and unconnected. Lucy was worried that he would leave her but could not see a way out of the rut they had become stuck in.
I worked with Lucy for 12 weeks, we met fortnightly (on zoom), we discussed how we could not change the other person and the only thing in our control is our own actions and intentions. It was really apparent that communication had become a huge issue with the seemingly smallest discussions turning into full-on arguments.
One of our most impactful (those were Lucy’s own words) sessions was where she realised that she was setting these discussions up for failure. She was approaching her husband at the end of a long day of dealing with work and their small children. A day where she had been snappy and distant. They were both already annoyed with each other and the way she presented the discussion was quite aggressive.
Her husband then didn’t want to listen to her reasoning and was already very guarded and closed to what she had to say.
We spent the whole session unpicking this situation and what Lucy could have done to set this discussion up for success. Lucy came up with her own plan of action and I supported her throughout.
Just 2 days later an email landed in my inbox, Lucy had managed to have a conversation with her husband, she communicated to him what was on her mind and he actually sat and not only listened, but they even came up with some small steps that they could take to improve the situation.
What had Lucy changed? She had approached her husband at a time when he wasn’t feeling tired and stressed out from the day and when she herself was not in a place of anger or resentment. Before she took the problem to him she had asked him when he had time to sit and talk for 10 minutes, even going as far as to say it was something important to her that she really needed to get off her chest but that she didn’t want to end up in an argument.
In Lucy’s email, she stated, “I can’t believe that after one session I had the confidence to make a few simple changes and that those changes led to me being able to have an open conversation with *******, I know it’s not a huge leap in our relationship but I am now so hopeful that we can get back on track, thank you.”
If you would like to discuss working with me then please do reach out for a free consultation. I’ll be totally transparent in how and if I can help your current situation.
Michelle Mills 